I’m not a “nice” person. I didn’t have a “nice” upbringing. My relatives were (and largely remain) stupid sub-animals. I am incapable of the level of mollycoddling/enabling/self-deception required to “forgive” any of them for their antics merely on the basis of consanguinity (IE: “Blood”).
Moreover, I am incapable of regarding my individual history as either unique or uniquely horrible. Quite frankly, I cannot help but recognize the fact that the institution of “family” itself is inherently “dysfunctional”: many (most? All?) “families” are at least as bad — if not worse than – mine.
Far too many individuals/couples become “parents” merely because they are too stupid to avoid doing so “accidentally”. (My Dad’s “I probably should have used condoms” scenario).
Far too many of those “parents” are too economically stressed to be in a position to “raise” the resultant offspring correctly. (Hint: I am NOT talking about some 1950s-style “Stay at home Mom” bullshit, either. It is entirely possible for a “Stay at home mom” to sit on her ass chain-smoking and watching “Daytime dramas” after having pawned off her parental responsibilities to the “public school” system. It is also possible — given socioeconomic factors — for the “latch-key” phenomenon to be unavoidable.
Far too many of the resultant “families” operate on the (implicit or explicit) premise that “blood”-relatives get a free pass — no matter what they do. No matter the level of (emotional/physical/sexual) abuse, the social “expectation” is for certain people to get a free pass *MERELY* on the basis of externally-imposed consanguinity — because our culture fetishizes “blood”.
So, the expectation is that I’m “supposed” to “forgive” a specific gaggle of drunks/junkies/sluts/emotional vampires — MERELY because we happen to be “blood kin”.
If I “fail” to do so — if I fail to bend over backwards so as to enable/mollycoddle/cover for anything and everything, then *I* become the villain, thereby.
I am “supposed” to disregard the fact that such “forgiveness” makes me complicit in whatever vicious idiocy may result. The “social” expectation is that I become an accessory to their crimes.
“Family” = “enabling”.
Worse yet, the only possible “reward” for such mollycoddling/enabling/self-deception (so-called “unconditional love”) is the possibility of “inheriting” their accumulated junk after they are dead.
I don’t understand any of it. I also cannot ignore the fact so-called “family values” is the rallying-cry of would-be censors/petty tyrants of all ideological stripes. Whether we’re talking about the PMRC (Tipper Gore’s pro-censorship organization) or the fact that we relentlessly propagandize children about “stranger danger” even though the vast majority of physical/emotional sexual abuse is perpetrated by “Family” members…..I don’t understand.
Actually, now that I think about it, the “don’t talk to strangers” bullshit dovetails nicely with the other fun little delusion about not airing familial “dirty laundry”, and unthinkingly “respecting your elders”:
- It lulls the victim into a false sense of security (since no “good” child would ever even contemplate getting “smart” with an adult — by asking them even such an innocuous question as “why are you touching my wee-wee?/taking naked pictures of me?, etc.
- It allows Mommy & Daddy to ignore/cover-up/explain away the victimization (because “what would the neighbors think?” etc.)
- It ensures that the victim is too afraid of “strangers” to ever even CONTEMPLATE getting help from “outside”.
Quite frankly: there are only two demographics who can fetishize ‘family” as an institution:
- Those who were lucky enough to be treated like strangers (IE: with a modicum of common courtesy and respect) by their “blood kin”.
- Would-be victimizers who need to bamboozle their victims with the notion of “unconditional love”.
Bottom line: if you would NEVER contemplate victimizing a total stranger in some way — DO NOT perpetrate it on your “blood kin”, and then expect them to kiss your ass, afterward.