Michael Tsarion is an imbecile:

Actually, that’s not quite true:

You have to be (somewhat) clever to be able to cobble together every pre-existing conspiracy theory,  a bunch of out-of-context symbols and motifs from various world mythologies, and the shittiest science-fiction plot imaginable — and then be able to market thre resultant bullshit to gullible, semi-literate paranoids.

Yeah — as you can tell, I have a fair bit of contempt for the guy  (although — to be fair — at least he manages to be marginally better than David Icke. 🙂

Tsarion’s “theory” is basically  as follows:

Approximately 50,000 years ago, some sort or humanoids ended up planting a “dummy base” on a planet which (supposedly) existed where the asteroid belt is, now.  According to Tsarion (or more likely — whoever he plagiarized), those pursuing the extraterrestrial humanoids decided to blow that planet to rubble, which resulted in severel climatological catastrophe here on Earth.

Unbenownst to them, their enemies were on Earth, safe and protected in underground bunker-complexes which they had already modified from preexisting caverns.

Now, here’s where the “theory” gets really stupid:

Their pursuers had already (supposedly) anihilated one planet already, and shown absolutely no qualms about doing so.  Don’t you think that it would make sense for them to be entirely willing to do the same thing to Earth, if they knew their enemies were planet-side?

Alas, no.  According to Tsarion, the same extraterrestrials who had already anihilated one planet because they mistook a “dummy base” for an actual installation merely decided to erect an “Etheric stargate barrier-field” around Earth — specifically tuned to the DNA signature of their enemies.

Now, this is already pretty stupid, I grant you.   Then again, you can do just about anything if you’re willing to spend time cherry-picking (superficially) similar imagery and motifs from other sources your readers will probably never read.

So anyway:  what is the first thing the marooned extraterrestrial humanoids do?  Do they attempt to “hack” the etherial Stargate-quarantine field, go back out, and whup some ass?


Instead, they decude to Bio-engineer a slave-species, by “upgrading” the indiginous proto-humans with their own DNA.

(See, that kind of thing is why I find “conspiracy theorists” to be fucking stupid in most cases:  Quite frankly, any species possessing the level of technology required for space-travel, planetary colonization, bioengenering other species, etc. — WOULD HAVE NO LOGICAL REASON WHATSOEVER for engineering a slave-species WITH THE CAPACITY TO REBEL.

Real-world example: before the invention of steam power/automobiles, etc., it wasn’t uncommon for high-ranking officials in China and suchlike places to be carried around on a “sedan chair”, by slaves.

This would be utterly innefficient and pointless, nowadays — even as a shitty power-trip.


Anyway: for whatever reason, the alien humanoids decide to make their would-be slaves both equal to them in intelligence *AND* teach them everything they know in terms of scientific/technological knowledge — including bioengineering.  Since DNA strands (superficially) resemble two “serpents” coiled around one another, our mythology remembers both groups as the “serpent men”.

(Yeah — it’s dumb.)

Anyway, the slave-race (predictably) revolts, and there is a protracted “war” between the two species.  Oddly enough, during this same period, the space-jerks decide to roll out a more obedient version of the slave-species.   Except this time, they ensure that their slaves won’t rebel, by designing them to be dumber, shorter-lived, more violent, and prone to UNTHINKING OBEDIENCE TO “Authority”.

So, yeah.  the solution to a revolt by excessively “uppity”  and intelligent slaves is to deliberately ensure that your next batch are STUPID, SADISTIC, BLOODTHIRSTY, AND DESIGNED TO HAVE RIDICULOUSLY SHORT LIFE-SPANS AS COMPARED TO YOU.

Really?   Humanity is, at most, 20 years away from completely self-regulating automated factories, and yet the space-jerks resort to something convoluted like THAT.

Anyway:  the other thing the space-jerks hadn’t counted on was that Slave-species 1.0 would actually regard the stupid/psychotic/vicious pygmy mutants as “brothers”, and set about trying to “liberate” them  (both by “teaching” them super-advanced technology and scientific knowledge by way of ridiculously convoluted symbolism and mythology which they stupid savages were BASICALLY GUARANTEED TO MISUNDERSTAND, and/or by fucking their females on occasion.  The resulting “god-men” offspring were (predictably) basically a watered-down version of slave race 1.0 — yet ANOTHER level of hybridization  (Space-jerks, Slave species 1.0, and slave species 2.0. — worse than the “better” slave-species, but better than the worse slave-species (if that makes any sense).

Now, here’s where it gets even stupider:

Instead of applying thier super-advanced genetic technology to re-engineering their own genome in such a way as to allow them to GTFO “Planet of the slave apes” (Earth) — they decide to ENGAGE IN MILLENNIA OF CEASELESS WARFARE WITH THEIR FORMER SLAVES — turning the planet into a thermonuclear shit-hole, and (strangely enough) also provoking a pole-shift — WHICH ENDS UP LAYING WASTE TO ALL 3 SPECIES.

So — instead of actually thinking this shit through, the Space-Jerks decide to engineer yet another variant of humanoid (as well as unicorns, and probably the “Push-me pull you” monstrosity from Dr. Doolittle.   This time, they splice in “Reptillian DNA” into their monstrosities.

Then, they send the resultant hell-spawn out among humankind, where — camoflaged behind some sort of cloaking-technology, they are instructed to kill and replace those in positions of political/military/religous “authority”.

(Now, keep in mind: supposedly, up until this point, BOTH the space-jerks and slave-species 1.0 have been directly interacting with slave species 2.0, and being misunderstood to be “gods”.   Basically, all of religion and mythology is a big-ass version of those “cargo cults” in the South Pacific, who go around bulding mockups of military bases and airplanes and shit, waiting for their ancestors’ ghosts to delivery shipments of “cargo” on WWII-era aircraft carriers, and shit.

Now, another goofy part of this “theory” is: every bit of this informaiton has been hidden (“in plain sight!”), everywhere from the world’s religious scriptures, to pretty much every “occult” tradition, right on down to (seemingly) random corporate logos.

Now, here’s the gooffier thing:  The ethniric Stargate quarantine-grid thingy is still surrpouding Earth.  This is why they moon landing, etc. had to be hoaxed on a soundstage in Hollywood.

(Stupidity alert: This presumes that all “modern” humans have an identical ratio of DNA sequences derived from the 3 ancestral species — the two slave-variants, and the Space-jerks.  Otherwise, how the hell could the quarantine grid detect the “signature” of space-jerk DNA?

As I said: Tsarion is (as with pretty much every other such ‘researcher”) a clever plagiarist, regurgitating cobbled-together schlock shit out by other such clever plagiarists.

The whole scenario is so mind-numbingly stupid and badly plotted as to be completely and utterly unworthy of further examination.   As a result, Tsarion is considered by some to be a “hero”, for “connecting the dots”, etc. — and any attempt to actually think about his idiotic bullshit rationally tends to get dismissed as “just exactly what THEY want you to believe!”



9 thoughts on “Michael Tsarion is an imbecile:

  1. Um….no. Truth is “Objective”:

    Either Michael Tsarion is CORRECT (at least in part), about all of his weird, cherry-picked “research” — or he’s not.

    Quite frankly, if he’s not, then he’s basically a con-artist, preying on the gullibililty of his fan-base/victims.

    I see no substantive difference between the sort of thing he/David Icke perpetrated on their victims, and those late-night “Psychic Hotlines” fun by “Miss Cleo”.


    Now, don’t get me wrong: on some level I genuinely do believe that stupid/gullible people (who refuse to learn for their mistakes) *genuinely deserve to get fleeced*. If Tsarion/Icke etc. can make a buck off of ’em, then I have to give ’em credit for being clever — at least to that extent.

    But let’s deal with the who “truth is subjective” thing:

    Go drink a bottle of strychnine, and then stab yourself in the throat with a meat-fork. If you “bleieve” that doing so won’t be harmful, and it (somehow) turns out that what you ‘believe’ makes it true “for you”…..then you’ll be just fine.

    Oh, wait: you won’t do that — because you KNOW (at least implicitly) that “truth” is NOT “subjective”. In other words, you *know* (or at least strongly suspect), that there *is* such a thing as “reality”. Moreover, you at least *implicitly* act as if that “real world” imposes some fairly severe restraints on the level of “subjective” whim-ridden idiocy in which you can safely engage.

    But hey, maybe I’m wrong: strip naked, and step out into the middle of the nearest intersection. Maybe if you ‘believe” hard enough, the oncoming traffic won’t splatter you. 🙂

  2. “…cobble together other people’s work…”
    That’s exactly what Tsarion claims. He is an integrator. He is the first to admit it.
    Few of us have ever had original thoughts. We are combinations of everyone we’ve ever met. We regurgitate. Art may be the only true form of expression we have. We talking monkeys are lucky to have even that

    • Several points:

      1.My issue was *not* with whether or not Tsarion claims to be “original”. Quite frankly, the fact that he (or any other “researcher”) uses any kind of source-material at all necessarily militates against the absurd, “strawman” version of “originality” you’re trying to smuggle into the discussion.

      Moreover, if Tsarion had been “original” in that way, then guess what? The total lack of source-material or evidentiary justification for the resulting claims would be *even worse*. I never said Tsarion pulled EVERYTHING out of his ass. He obviously (mis)uses a vast amount of antecedent source-material.

      So, no — my complaint was *never* about whether Tsarion’s (mis)use of sundry source-materials counted as “originality”, or not.

      As to your next “point”: The whole purpose of critical-thinking skills is to ensure that we *DON’T* merely “regurgitate” combinations of “everyone we’ve ever met”. That’s my whole issue, in a nut-shell: Tsarion’s approach basically consists haphazardly “integrating” semi-randomly. At least (for example) Erich von Däniken attempts to “integrate” stuff which *at least sorta fits together*.

      Tsarion is a charlatan.

      Think of it this way: I could claim that Jesus visited the Mesoamerican tribal populations, and served as the basis for for “Quetzalcoatl”.

      I could *then* offer as my “evidence”, the following (cherry-picked) tidbits:

      1. The original time-period for the Quetzalcoat literature/worship is somewhere within the 200 years 1st century BC-1st century AD.

      2. He is associated with the planet Venus (the “Bright and morning Star”).

      3. In at least one myth, he is said to be “born of a virgin”.

      4. After the destruction of the previous world, he “descended into hell”, and then created current humanity by means of a “blood sacrifice”


      Now, notice something: ALL of the above shitty schlock was culled from a SINGLE wikipedia article (which was itself culled from other sources).

      It STILL doesn’t give any even halfway plausible excuse for (say) the notion that the Aztec blood-sacrifice religion was “really” a debased precursor Christianity, or some shit.

      That’s my whole point.

      Now, as to your last “point”: the sneery little “talking monkeys” thing? Quite frankly, no. If anything, we are “monkeys” who are (at least potentially) capable both of tool-use, and critical-thinking skills. Con-artists like Michael Tsarion build their entire “careers” on systematically preying on the ignorant and gullible. (Of course, the same can be credibly said for the vast majority of what constitutes “organized” religion).

      The only real difference between fans of Tsarion/David Icke/Alex Jones/”Brother” Stair, etc., and those who profess to “believe” whatever “theology” was shoved down their throats as children is: The Tsarion/David icke crowd *had* the chance to “question and investigate” — but (due primarily to a near-total lack of critical thinking skills), managed to get taken in by shitty charlatans.

      • Ummm…….huh? That’s your “reply”? Seriously?

        I would have thought that there would be more fan-spam (like, for example, at least some sort of attempt to demonstrate why Michael Tsarion doesn’t suck.)

        Sadly (but predictably), your comments have pretty much confirmed what I already knew about his “fan-base”. (Hint: if you had anything even resembling critical thinking skills, or actual knowledge related to *any* of the subjects he claims to be “integrating” — you would already have figured out exactly how much he sucks.

        Moreover, you probably wouldn’t be attempting to — I can’t even call this “defending” him, because you haven’t actually put forward any kind of substantive response.

        Shoulda figured. I wonder exactly how much of a shitstorm I’d end up creating, if I bothered to blog about Amway or Scientology. 🙂

        Peace out, “Green”. (“Green ninja?” Seriously?) That’s….wow.

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