So, one of the things I’ve always wondered is: Given that I’ve lost contact with literally 100% of my erstwhile “friends” — is that an indication that we weren’t really “friends” in the first place?
What I mean by this:
- First, I never really had “friends” during Elementary/High school. At absolute most, I very occasionally hung out with a few other students who were (nearly) as outcast/bullied as I was, at the time. I was basically a “white” version of Steve Urkel, at a “redneck” school. It wasn’t good, at all.
- Later, what approximated “close” friendships typically revolved around having out at specific people’s houses, primarily because they were also actively involved in the “music thing”. (IE: the Mennonite family — 3 brothers who happened to be receiving lessons at the same time-period I was, from the same guy).
- THEN my ‘closest” friendships involved the guys from the music group I co-founded, and for which I was lead guitarist. Oddly enough, they “misread” me as gay for over ten years, without bothering to ever bring it up.
The thing is: I’ve lost contact with ALL of the above-mentioned groups. Moreover, in the vast majority of cases, I have absolutely no interest in “rekindling” any of those “friendships”, and have also realized (in retrospect) that even the “deepest” ones were amazingly shallow and superficial.
Weirdly enough, that doesn’t really bother me. I’ve come to the conclusion that I am most likely at least somewhat misanthropic, and that most of what people mistakenly describe as “loneliness” is in fact little more than boredom.
I’m really not sure how else to put it, or even if the above viewpoint would make sense ot anybody else.